New York Puts the "New" in New Beginnings

It is this time of year which brings me just a bit low.  You see, six years ago about this time, I was caring for my sick momma who was preparing to reach Glory.  She had fought cancer valiantly and was about to claim her victory. How, you ask?  Her death was simply the ending of one life to start her eternal one, cancer free.  However, we disabled guys rely on our mommas quite a bit.  No one knows us better than our mom, no one works harder on our behalf, no one gives up more for us, and no one feels our pain more than our mommas.  At least this was the case for me and my momma.  I lost my best friend, and it has taken me six years to realize just how deep the  hurt of that loss was and still is. I didn't realize how much she compensated for and advocated for for me. Never before did I ever have to explain what I couldn't see or do to someone.  Now however, I do.  I can never get that back, nor would I want to she fought cancer hard for eleven years and now she is healed.  Little did I know that God was working a plan that I would just now begin to see.  A plan that would involve Seminary, moving to Louisville, and being introduced to one of the greatest men I have ever had the pleasure to know.  These changes and introductions would serve as the catalyst to heal a broken heart.  That is not to say I do not miss my momma, because that will always be the case, but it is to say that God is faithful and even in the darkness He works hard for those who love Him.

In the summer of 2008 I began the process to become a student in Louisville, Kentucky.  This was something that I didn't think would happen as I was not the best student and had some challenges thought all of my schooling because of some challenges.   However, to the ministry I was called so to the Seminary I would at least try to go.  A long story short I was accepted to begin classes in 2009 and would move to Louisville in 2010.  In the fall semester I would take a Christian Ethics course which would change my life in ways I did not yet know.  It was in this class where on a day when I didn't know my way around that I would meet a man who would invest time in a broken-hearted brother who just needed a friend.  This is where I would meet Darren, though in a couple weeks he would drop the course, it would and still is one of the most pivotal live events I've ever had.  There have always been those people or families that God has placed in my path to take me beyond where I was.  What would God do now?  He would work out the most awesome plan I have seen in my life to date short of my salvation.  It is through Darren that I would become part of a church family again, attend his wedding (at this point I had only known him for a short time, and was sorta freaked out by attending a wedding), we would become brothers, I would meet his brother Trevor and in 2013 the adoption was complete when I met His other brother and sister along with his Dad.  This is a family with struggles of their own, but they had something I hadn't seen in 6 years.  Love.  They love each other just as my family used to.  What had been broken by grief in my family, God had brought me to  a place where I wasn't family by blood, but family by means of a cross.  You see what the cross brings together nothing can break it apart.  I still pray for and miss my family, but I thank God daily for what He has given me by means of His Son and His cross.  The family I have now is not better, but it is different.  Our family tree is not of earth but of heaven.

While there is still a lot I need to do, I am where I need to be now, and plan to keep moving forward.  I still have the same goals momma, I hope to honor you well, and to serve in missions some how, some way.  My body may break but as long as my mind and heart remain strong I will press on.  The good news is I'm not alone.  There are people who love me and who help me press on.  While the next couple weeks will bring me low the future is a bright one.

Written in memory of momma 1956-Feb 7, 2008 never forgotten, but forward I will go.